


Wheat Is Still Wheat

by monster_without_a_name



Series: trans!neil [2]
Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Baltimore, prompt, torture ment but barely, trans!neil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-31 10:05:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6466093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monster_without_a_name/pseuds/monster_without_a_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a re-imagining of parts of baltimore with trans Neil</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wheat Is Still Wheat

**Author's Note:**

> nanigrapeseed on tumblr suggested I do something like this- though It might not be as angsty as you had hoped hahah  
> also the title comes from that vincent van gogh “If I am worth anything later, I am worth something now. For wheat is wheat, even if people think it is a grass in the beginning.” which I've always related to in relation to being transgender soo?

When Lola calls Neil is filled with gut wrenching horror that his father has found him, but even as he’s dragged back into his unfortunate past he doesn’t think of the name Nathalie- Lola only uses “junior” and “kid” to refer to him. Between being kidnapped, Lola’s torture and wondering what will happen when he sees his father, Neil has too many distractions to think about his birth name. So, when his father calls him “my daughter” it’s a shock and it almost hurts worse than any of the injuries still aching from Lola’s abuse.  
“I might skin you alive. I might take you apart one inch at a time and cauterize the wounds.” Nathan considers his options, “I think no matter what I choose we are going to start by slicing the tendons in your legs. You’re not going to run away this time, Nathalie. I’m not going to let you.”  
“Fuck you,” Neil spits and he’s unsure whether it’s the name or the threat that’s gotten to him.  
Thankfully before Nathan manages to make good on his threat the cellar door bursts open and a crowd of strangers enter, shooting at Nathan and his men. Someone takes Neil and dumps him in a corner out of the way of the fight as Nathan’s men fall until he is the last one standing, four guns aimed at his head. Neil watches in shock as his uncle, Stuart enters the room and one of the other strangers in the room indicates to Neil.  
“Bloody hell. Nathalie?” Neil knows he can’t blame his uncle for the use of his birth name, Stuart hasn’t seen him for years and has no idea what happened in that time. Too tired to explain it to him, Neil nods, hating himself for accepting the name. However, he has to recognise that as the night had worn on he had accepted more parts of his past, than he wanted, adopting the stony faced aura he had learnt to hold while he still lived with his father. The realisation has him glaring a hole in the ground and he almost misses Stuart’s next question, “Where is Mary?” Neil doesn’t look up when he shakes his head.  
-  
By the time Stuart and his team disappear into and the feds arrive Neil has forced himself to be alright with the name Nathalie Wesninski tonight. When he tells the agents, “My name is Nathalie Wesninski,” though, speaking the name still feels like a layer of sedimentation has formed in his stomach. “And my father is dead.” He finishes and can’t stop the hysterical laughter that bubbles up, none of it is funny but he can’t stop- not even long enough to take a proper breathe. His laughter only stops when he empties out the content of his stomach on the concrete.  
-  
“Twenty minutes?” Dan cries, outraged, as Neil steps into their hotel room, “you’ve got to be joking. Why do- oh my god,” she cuts herself off when she sees him, “oh my god, Neil. Are you okay?”  
The name fills him with warmth only eclipsed by the pleasure of seeing his team mates again- when just last night he thought he would never see them again, when he thought he was going to die as Nathalie Wesninski and not Neil Josten. He tries to speak but he can’t find his voice, looking away from Dan to the rest of his team mates. In the sea of concerned, shocked faces, Neil notices one is missing right away.  
“Where’s And-”  
He doesn’t even finish the question before Andrew comes crashing into the room, handcuffed to Wymack. Agent Browning reaches for his gun and Neil grabs his arm to stop him, forgetting his injuries for a moment but remembering all too suddenly when pain lances up his arm and he hunches over. “Don’t,” he tries to tell Browning through the pain.  
When he manages to look up Andrew is in front of him, reaching forward to grip his chin and examine his face. Neil takes the time to study the bruises on Andrew’s on face, the worst of it seemed to be an injury from a stray elbow, it had hit Andrew’s eye and left it stained with red.  
“They could have blinded you,” Neil says, “all that time fighting and you never learned to duck?”  
-  
When the rest of the foxes find out the FBI plan on taking Neil away for “their safety” they’re not happy, “We’re all legal adults here,” Matt attempts to reason, “We’ve made our decision. Unless he wants to stay with you, you’d better bring Neil back to us when you’re done with all your questions.”  
“’Neil’ isn’t a real person,” Browning tells him, “It’s just a cover up that let Nathalie evade authorities. It’s past time to let ‘Neil’ go.”  
“He is not Nathalie, not anymore at least,” Nicky mutters, accentuating ‘he’, “his name is Neil. Anyway, regardless of names, he’s ours, and we’re not letting him go. You want us to vote on it or something? Bet you it’ll be unanimous.”  
Neil is shocked to see all the foxes so readily defending him, “You guys really don’t mind? All my secrets and lies- everything about my father, my… my gender?” he asks carefully, trailing off towards the end so that he is practically whispering.  
Matt snorts, “Neil, don’t get me wrong- you’re my best friend and all- but sometimes you can be such an idiot.”  
“I’m your best friend?” Neil asks and Matt shares a look with Dan.  
“Exhibit freaking A” he mutters.


End file.
